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One Side: Beth

At times I'm recorded while I’m eating. It's jarring to spot myself on her social media – it’s like a jumpscare.

A close companion of 10 years, Marielle, calls herself the “creativity monarch”. It’s fun for a short while, but it strains our relationship.

She is an extrovert, she feels the need to document everything all the time. When we eat out, she says, “The phone eats first,” and takes photos with bright lighting, which makes me cringe. I don’t like it when strangers see her performing for the camera – I experience vicarious awkwardness. It also frustrates me because meals lose their warmth.

She isn’t exactly an online personality yet, but she is aspiring to become one. She creates video blogs about city life, her daily routine, and her styling career. Her content is good, I’ll give her that, but I don’t want to be dragged into it. On occasion I'm captured while dining, or simply tagging along. I’ll see myself on her feed afterwards, and it comes like a jumpscare: I’ll have bare-faced, making a strange expression or photographed while eating. It’s uncomfortable.

Marielle also expects me to record her at inconvenient times. Sometimes I’ll be talking to someone else, or we're simply spending time in the street. I feel like our friendship has turned into me serving as her free crew. She has the means to hire someone if she wanted professional shots. Upon mentioning my discomfort about the situation, she dismissed it. I've been invited to a couple of industry functions, which was nice, but that doesn’t make up for all the energy I spend assisting her make content.

I appreciate that Marielle has supported me with my career in design, but I don’t want our connection to become just a ledger of favours. I don't believe she’s fake or dishonest, but at times it seems that if the camera is out, we will start performing in a way that presents a favorable image for her channel.

She will say, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and record me smiling with another. It feels forced. It's crucial her to understand that our 10-year friendship still has boundaries. I love being with her, but I also desire to experience it without being recorded, edited, or shared for an viewers. I am not a accessory for her Instagram.

The Defence: Marielle

I want my friend to see that the content we produce together can get us a foot in the door.

I love shooting content. It's more than a hobby; it’s part of who I am. Creating videos and sharing my life online enables me to express myself and engage with people in new ways.

I wouldn't label myself as a professional creator yet, but it’s smart to generate income from your interests. I admire people on social platforms who execute that aesthetic of informal, self-made content creation.

Content creation is my interpretation of living actively: observing the details, posting them with an audience that values the craft behind it. It's never my aim to make Beth uncomfortable. Taking her to industry events was my way of sharing opportunities, giving her a chance to experience behind-the-scenes moments that could benefit her professional path too. That isn't blackmail, it's simply being realistic.

I would take her to such functions even if she didn’t help me, but I want her to see what the work we make together can get us: a foot in the door. I understand not all people likes being on camera, but often spontaneity is what makes material genuine. Appearing on video from time to time is part and parcel of being my friend. I would delete anything she asked, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don't demand anybody to be my private filmmaker, but friends support one another in small ways. My assumption was recording a short video now and then would be enjoyable for Beth. Innovation flourishes in partnership, and having Beth around makes projects energetic and enjoyable. I never force her to participate in anything, and I’d never deliberately embarrass her. But filming together sometimes is part of how I document our time together.

I cherish Beth’s friendship deeply and don’t want making videos to come between us. I am ready to find middle ground: like asking before recording, and avoiding angles that might make her uncomfortable.

This is not about power, it’s about sharing my world while still respecting hers. Clearly making content is not a substitute for real connection: it’s just part of how I experience life and I desire her to be involved in a way that’s agreeable for each of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop filming herself and her friend when they are socializing?

There’s nothing more excruciating than having a friend film you. I understand that it’s Marielle’s passion, but I don’t make friends come to my work. Perhaps she can find like-minded creators to collaborate with. Given the dark, looming future of AI, human connections are the only thing we have – cherish them!
Liberty, 25

When pursuing something professionally, it's unfair to expect your friends for assistance repeatedly, even if they have done it before. If Marielle loves creating, that doesn’t mean everyone around her is willing material. She needs to respect her friend's privacy.
Another reader, 26

Marielle might love producing videos and displaying her life publicly, but it isn't for everyone. It was kind she has helped Beth’s career, but she must to hear what Beth wants.
A commenter, 27

It seems like you care about each other, so cling to that and ensure it’s the focus in your relationship. Create some authentic memories, where true emotions are preserved, not online archives. Even public figures who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more privacy than it seems.
Sarah, 53

Marielle appears to be not fully engaged nor genuine when they're together – she's on the job. Both seem confused as to where the line is. The answer is not found in trying to alter one another, but in each setting defined boundaries around what is comfortable to them and seeing if there is an mutually agreeable compromise.
A final view, 71

Now You Be the Judge

Consider this question: is Marielle over-exposing their friendship?